Wasteland Express Delivery Service Solo Campaign Mode: Session 3

I decided to play the Campaign Mode of this game solo. There is no formal solo mode, so I’m merely tracking how many turns it takes me to lock down three Priority First-Class Contracts. I’m playing the entire campaign as The Fallen, the salty former cultist who drives a school bus. These notes are from #3. Less Than Dead. The master narrative has resurfaced Grand Lord Emperor Torque as a character and a mission. We got intel that says he’s back and he’s a dick and he’s a cheater. Whatever. I’m going to make some money.

Writeup for #1. Welcome to the Wasteland is here. #2. Secret Mission is here.

Public Priority First Class Contracts

• Smuggler

• Blue Screen of Death

• Grand Lord Emperor Torque

Turns Elapsed: 11

Shady appears and offers to ride shotgun as my starting ally. He’s going to be handy for the first step of the “Ivory Towers” mission I draw from The Archive. He helps me buy at The Citadel for cheap and smuggle the proceeds to New Alexandria. I hang around there an extra turn to buy an extra general-purpose cargo liner and an MG. Now I’m throwing up a dust plume, crepuscular-like.

What do you mean you need “EVEN MOAR WATER,” you trying to build a log flume ride or something

I make a quick food buy and deliver it to Delos. I can’t Purchase again, so I barrel across the rutilant wastes to Corinth and pick up a mission from The Oracles of Ceres: “Free Market.” Target of opportunity: I deliver food to Silo 42 because nearby vendors were offering it cheap and Silo 42 was close. I double back to Dispatch to burn new earnings on some Vintage Hardware for the “Blue Screen of Death” requirement. The sun sets before I can ferry it to The Depot.

I drop off the Commodore 64 and also manage to fulfill the “Free Market” mission requirement at Dispatch. Shady is ousted from the sleeper cab in favor of Butch. I’ve completed 1/3 of Blue Screen of Death and 2/3 of Smuggler public Priority First-Class Contracts. I’m feeling pretty efficient.

I burn a turn buying Ammo at Dispatch because demand is nuts right now—$11 Scrap/unit—so OK. I can dump it in New New York in one move. Which I do, then parlay it right back into buying more Archaic Chips, and haul them to The Depot. “Blue Screen of Death” is 2/3 complete. 

Scanning around with the binocs after a piss break, I see that a Bonesaw Raider Truck just drifted into reach. I have an MG. The contents of his bed are fascinating: an Ammo and a Water that will trigger a crazy payday for a dual Demand marker at Delos. This would be “fuck you money,” so I give the Raider a try. It’s Section 8. My MG isn’t enough, I lose and take a damage. I try again and lose, now my Armor is clean tore off. I lose again. I decide to attack again, my rolls can’t stay this poor: I lose again, now my auxiliary General Purpose hold is shot up. Sunk cost: fuck this guy. I attack AGAIN. Never have dice been this putrid; a hit to my Sleeper Cab slays Butch.

I’m in a purple rage. The Depot is less than a move away and my bus is shot to hell. I detach a bit and go get repaired. I won’t get to take it out on Section 8, but whoever the fuck is in this Bonesaw truck is going to die next time. Next time it turns out to be Buzzsaw, who’s even tougher than Section 8. I’m in a death spiral of fixation. I lose by one shot to Buzzsaw.

The Message finally gets through: OK, I’m leaving. I disengage without further damage and go to The Citadel and pull “A Delivery,” which will complete my trio of Smuggling runs. But I still have murder in my heart for Bonesaw. I’m going to take that truck down. Fuck the turn count. At the end of the turn, I’m almost ready to pull into New Alexandria’s gates, which will notch a Priority First-Class completion. I am still SO MAD. There were SO MANY THINGS inside of Butch that are now on my upholstery.

I deliver food to New Alexandria, completing Smuggler. I hammer it straight fo the Bonesaw truck and see Zed behind the wheel. I light him up and feel hollow afterwards as I haul ass to Delos for the delivery. Big profit. Now to Dispatch to blow everything on tech and maybe a piece of ass. 

After a couple turns eating dust on the road, the third GameBoy chunk is delivered. That’s two Priority First-Class Contracts completed. I drive to The Citadel and fish for the third and decisive contract: I get “Coups Aren’t Cool,” which requires me to fulfill demand at a New Republic Army location for at least 18 $scrap. Ok. I’ll do it. I burn a turn filling my Ammo hold at The Citadel because ammo is still fetching kooky prices. I dump the single ammo crate for breathtaking margin, but I still have no clear path to an $18 trade with a NRA outpost.

I contemplate my options and cool my heels, repairing damage and installing a third cargo hold that I’ll need to deliver a water payoff to satisfy “Coups Aren’t Cool” requirements. Water? IN THIS ECONOMY? On my penultimate turn I fill my newly fitted cargo holds with three units of water for most of my cash on hand. I flog the bus back to Terminus and make a Delivery worth $18. That’s the win, kids. Thanks for nothing, Chapter 3.

Summary:  I can only imagine what could have happened with a little bit more luck across my many fruitless battles with Bonesaw Raiders. Or a little bit less pride. Either I was perverse or the dice were. In either case, it adds up to 11 ugly, amateurish turns.

Next: #4. Calm Before the Storm

Wasteland Express Delivery Service Solo Campaign Mode: Session 2

I decided to play the Campaign Mode of this game solo. There is no formal solo mode, so I’m merely tracking how many turns it takes me to lock down three Priority First-Class Contracts. I’m playing the entire campaign as The Fallen, the salty former cultist who drives a school bus. These notes are from #2. Secret Mission, in which the plotline asks the game’s truckers to take punitive action against the Raiders while helping the Archivists both prop up the world’s shaky economy and find a dangerous and pivotal item in the wastes.

Writeup for #1. Welcome to the Wasteland is here.

Public Priority First Class Contracts
• Bailout
• The Big Dig
• Kill ‘Em All

Turns Elapsed: 10

I retain The Creep as a starting ally, which means hopefully I don’t get my shields burned off just trying to get somewhere. I also select the Respect mission from The Archivists on the setup draw, as the prize will let me put a combat edge into my extra ally slot. In #1. Welcome to the Wasteland I focused entirely on trade and smuggling, but things are going to get more pugnacious this time out.

Don’t tell any of the crew back at The Depot how long I had to duel with this loser

I sink my cash on hand into an extra general storage hold and a machine gun right away at Terminus’ Mod Shop, then peel out to target a nearby Raider truck piloted by the repulsive Beanman. I close on him at high speed in a rad zone. The machine gun apparently is still in its “breaking in” period. The normally weak Beanman proves cagey; two turns invested in combat only gets all my armor riddled and useless. It’s an abominable start.

After an eternity of circling Beanman amid acrid dust, automatic weapons and insult exchanges, I finally get my new gun unjammed and sort him out—pillaging his truck for water, which is fetching high prices. The cash lets me notch an important Archivist mission after I ferry it to the thirsty buyers at Motown. Stinging from the cost of my exchanges with Beanman, I buy a rack of missiles to back up the MG. Then it’s off to refill those general cargo slots with cheap rations.

Currently I’m leaning towards fulfilling the Kill ‘Em All and Bailout public missions. I’ll fish for a third Priority First-Class Contract along the way as I don’t want to divide my energy and space messing with the expensive digger mod and extra turns it will take to fulfill The Big Dig’s contract requirements. Hopefully somebody else on staff picks up that slack for me.

I drop off food at New Alexandria, replace my armor at their Mod Shop, and set my sights on the Railmen’s enclave—the first of four Raider enclave battles I’ll have to win to fulfill Kill ‘Em All. The Twins issue from their gates to challenge me and get cratered. I leave with smoking barrels, looted food and water.

The Rock outpost buys the food, New New York gets $25 in Bailout funds (chalk one Priority First-Class Contract). I make a beeline for Bonesaw’s enclave. Sky Captain emerges to contest me, but the missiles I picked up in Motown are too much for him; his craft is splintered in a fusillade on his first attack pass. My hold is full of food and weapons, too. Two down. The Raiders are getting served like I’m a short-order cook.

There’s nowhere good to sell anything, so I replenish my missiles and head right for Nein Nein’s Raider HQ because I’m feeling myself. I pull impatiently into The Library en route, hoping to pull a third Priority contract so I can win without the tedium of the Big Dig: I pull “A Solid,” which will mean taking on some smuggling work for the New Republic Army. Cool. I tangle with The Family at the Nein Nein compound. I keep my missiles in reserve and lose, damaging my armor.

My ally and machine gun finally earn their keep as my tussle with The Fam spills into the next day’s action. We light them up good. That’s three successful punitive raids on the Raiders. I could make it to The Eyeless’ hideout and sew this thing up, but I have no Pillage actions left. Gonna burn a few turns dropping off my burgeoning cargo hold contents just for laughs. New Chernobyl snags my food and Serenity pays 10 $crap for the ammo crate I’ve got. I’m back on the road, about to knock on The Eyeless’ door.

The Eyeless come out understrength, fielding The Harvesters, who reap a bounty crop of my heirloom .50 cal seeds. The enforcement action on all Raider enclaves is complete. There’s a lot of driving ahead to get to The Citadel, the only place I can fish for New Republic smuggling runs that the greaseballs at The Archive need done. I hit The Citadel’s driveway with my last gear at unsafe speeds and draw the “Muck and Brass” job; I have water on hand to complete the smuggling run, but New Chernobyl, the destination, is another massive drive. I’m set upon by the Nein Nein truck en route. The Maw is behind the wheel. He’s a rugged dude, so I uncork the missiles for him and deny the Nein Nein’s attempt at retribution.

My replacement shields melt down in a rad zone on the next stretch of road, but I dump the water barrels at New Chernobyl, fire The Creep and put Armistice in my sleeper cab. Her movement bonus proved invaluable on the home stretch of the first chapter. She seems glad to see me. The Archive has half of their “Solid.” I’m not worried about combat and damage; I have plenty of cash and don’t mind stacking some hits on unused cargo holds if it means I can haul ass with Armistice and close this out.

It’s a long drive to The Citadel as Armistice tells me stories about her dad—Grand Lord Emperor Torque, the legend of highway terror who supposedly died in a big battle with the New Republic Army at Silo 42—but I pull the “Train Station” mission. The Citadel is also selling the weapons I need to deliver to Terminus, which is only one outpost away. I burn a turn getting gouged for a crate of weapons, then get it back in first gear.

We’re on a glide path now. We rumble over a few miles with Hasil Adkins on the tape deck and soon Terminus has their weapons, “A Solid” has been completed, and three Priority First Class contracts are in the bag. On to the next chapter! Although Armistice’s stories about Pops seem to suggest that this monster may figure largely in whatever’s to come next.

Summary: It was fun rebalancing the bus’ slots to have offensive punch and trade capacity—The Fallen’s capacious Sleeper Cab (pulling The Archivist’s Respect mission on my setup draw was a boon), and the early purchase of a Machine Gun + General Purpose extra cargo hold provided enough early impetus to give me all the cash I needed, plus affordable repairs and replacement missiles for the heavy fighting. Not bad!

Next: #3. Less Than Dead

Wasteland Express Delivery Service Solo Campaign Mode: Session 1

I decided to play the Campaign Mode of this game solo. There is no formal solo mode, so I’m merely tracking how many turns it takes me to lock down three Priority First-Class Contracts. At the end of the first game, I realized I’d defaulted to Nathan’s “I Hate Event Decks” Variant out of sheer forgetfulness. Take my accomplishments here with a grain of salt; upon review, my turn-by-turn notes sometimes revealed I’d done way more than was possible with five actions. And there were gaps where I didn’t record important checkpoints. Nonetheless, the story is still mostly here, which is why I did this in the first place. I’m playing the entire campaign as The Fallen, the salty former cultist who drives a school bus.

Public Priority First Class Contracts
• Blue Screen of Death
• Kill ‘Em All
• Smuggler

Turns Elapsed: 9 (I think)

I’m joined early by Chief, a New Republic Army soldier whose specialty is helping me earn bigger paydays on weapons deliveries. I’ve also drawn a smuggling job from the Archivists faction, so I’m thinking of starting there as it will give me progress towards the Smuggler Priority Contract on the board.

Are you happy now, you bastards? The Fallen seals Chapter One by completing the Fiat Currency mission.

A handy northern cluster of outposts allows me to buy some food for just 1 $crap and quickly deliver it to Terminus, a location operated by the New Republic Army, fulfilling the Archivists’ smuggling mission. I also draw an extra mission from Terminus on the way and land another smuggling run—this time for the New Republic Army, which I quickly fulfill at Delos.

Cash on hand is now good. I peer across the wastes and see a throughline from Dispatch back to the Depot. Soon I’ve got some tech artifacts in the bus; that’s progress toward both the Smuggler and Blue Screen of Death Priority First-Class contracts. Now I look northeast, through an irradiated zone and to the stronghold of Corinth, where I hope to be able to pick up more smuggling work from the Oracles of Ceres.

I burn a turn handing off a swaddled motherboard over to Dispatch. It’s wrapped in a copy of SPIN Magazine from 1991. LL Cool J’s in that issue. My armor sizzles a bit in the rad zone en route before acquiring the Surprise Party smuggling mission from the wackadoodles in Corinth. The rads cook the rest of my armor off immediately on the trip back out, but I make it back to Dispatch and secure a crate of weapons to boot.

The weapons are offloaded at Delos. Oh: Molls Electric has also been taking up room and farting in the sleeper cab and doing nothing, so I boot her in favor of Armistice because I’m tired of waiting for rock-bottom current water market prices to move. The Smuggler Priority First-Class mission is now complete. 

I pick up another ungainly wad of half-melted server racks for Depot, but I’m out of Outpost actions. With Armistice’s second-turn movement boost, though, I can replenish my depleted bank with a quick buy-and-flip of some foodstuffs between neighboring forts just on the other side of The Depot.

Soon Blue Screen of Death is 2/3 complete. Have fun with the wadded server racks, boys, I’m sure there’s something you need in there. I’m approaching a decision point: I will have to either build a war chest to turn my bus into a combat rig or pull a primo contract of some other kind. I’m leaning toward the latter. Right now I spot another food-flip opportunity, so I opt for quick $crap and fish for new missions at The Citadel. It’s a junky little job, but weapons just came up for sale here and prices are soaring; looks like Chief is going to earn his keep at last.

Now I’m just chasing shiny objects because the cash is irresistible. The Rock, The Citadel and Terminus are all right in a row, either selling ammo or desperate to buy it. The stashbox in the bus is groaning now, so I dash halfway across the board to buy the last tech artifact required for Blue Screen of Death. But not before I dump yet more weapons at Delos. People are getting strapped up around here! Ammo prices are starting to flatten because of the minor glut I caused, so I take an Outpost action at The Depot on my next move. Blue Screen of Death is complete and so is Smuggler.

Hmm: I’ve got 18 $scrap on hand. Do I gamble on another Priority First-Class Mission pull or resign myself to arming up at the Mod Shop for a military grind to fulfill Kill ‘Em All? Naw. I haul ass to The Library and see if the Archivists have anything interesting for me to do. Bingo: I pull the Fiat Currency mission. And The Library is selling water, which New New York wants.  This feels like less of a slog than Kill ‘Em All, so let’s see how fast I can deliver to New Chernobyl, New New York and New Alexandria. By the end of the turn, I’m rolling off the first water barrels in New New York.

I buy food in The Citadel (for one $crap, no less!) then barrel along to flip it to the hungry folks at New Chernobyl. The Citadel’s selling food again (although not for $1), so I head back there to cool it until I can make the next purchase. Then it’s a long drive with Armistice all the way to the southern reaches to feed New Alexandria.

I buy another pallet of sus MREs in The Citadel and hit the road, getting the load to New Alexandria after a long drive. The sale’s done and I’ve done my part to prop up The Archive’s economic house of cards with some tangible goods. That’s the win!

Final Thoughts: I had 35 $crap just bouncing around the bus unspent. I never bought a mod nor tangled with a Raider. One thing that’s different about playing this way: It was easier to analyze the board at my leisure and stay focused with no downtime or banter. You’d think the downtime with other players would make you more lucid, but after watching three other dudes go and riffing on their various mishaps, sometimes you forget what the hell it was you set out to do.

Fortunate clusters of settlements and insanely convenient strings of demand/supply markers were a major factor here. These plus Armistice’s second-move distance bonus, no opponents throwing Raiders in my way, plus a good late mission pull at The Library let me focus on a fairly frictionless trade route to victory.

Next: #2. Secret Mission

Painting My Way Out of Depression With These Merry Apocalyptic Trucks

When I get depressed and the sun sets before 5 p.m., I paint miniatures to pass the awful hours.

In this case, all the character trucks from Pandasaurus’ Wasteland Express Delivery Service.

Here are Gat’s (rear) and Big John’s (foreground) rigs

Here is Gat’s rig, more or less finished

Big John’s truck is declared road-ready

Primed Zero’s and Tweek’s rigs in tan and green, respectively, to give them a differentiated base from previous two and break the pattern I fell into with previous palettes