100 Mandatory Golden Era Hip Hop Tracks or Face the Excruciator: #1-10

Inquisitor Cinnamon Apple Cheesedick declares that this is the only Imperially compliant throwback playlist.

Below: Writeups for tracks 1-10. (Xtra thanks to Glyxphagor the Executioner)

1. Public Enemy, “Miuzi Weighs a Ton” 

All the kiddies go around citing Nation of Millions and Fear of a Black Planet because that’s what they read on Pitchfork. Which is a shame, because PE’s debut album was A TOWERING MASTERPIECE OF SONIC AGGRESSION that stood alone in that year’s crop of incredible early Golden Era wax. Also see from same album: “Public Enemy No. 1” and, yes, that’s Terminator X scratching on Mike Muir’s opening cackle from the Suicidal Tendencies’ first album on “Raise the Roof.” This album is hip hop’s Nevermind the Bollocks...

2. Steady B, “Rockin’ Music” 

Used to be that it was de rigueur to let the DJ flex on at least one whole track of every album. Here DJ Tat Money puts in a workout with irresistible soul/disco hooks and a big, meaty drum machine track. (Fun fact: Steady B’s doing a life bid because when his career went south, his crew tried to rob a bank and sparked a shootout in which they achieved an ignominious first: First woman cop in Pennsylvania to die in line of duty.)

3. Run-DMC, “They Call us Run-DMC”

MCing styles evolved so rapidly from ‘86-’88 that by the time Run-D.M.C. followed up their mega-smash Raising Hell LP with Tougher Than Leather, they’d already been lyrically lapped by Chuck D, Rakim, Big Daddy Kane, et al. Nonetheless, I return to tracks from this album over and over because they’re still fun and the production kicks ass.

4. Audio Two, “Make it Funky”

Gizmo and Milk D will never be in the canon of microphone masters. They were more mixboard dudes who wanted to rap on their own beats (they were also producing stuff for MC Lyte at the time). Here they throw one of the best parties in hip hop with razor-sharp sampling, fun breaks and a few bars of shouted call-and-response crew raps. Daddy-O from Stetsasonic helped out on this one.

5. Big Daddy Kane and Kool G Rap, “Five Minutes of Death”

Extremely poor sound quality that I can only find on YouTube, but it’s like holding the superheated mother seed of the early Golden Era in your quaking hands. Superproducer Marley Marl eventually uses this beat on Big Daddy Kane’s classic, “Raw,” but at some point in the studio he must have just let these drums run and told BDK and Kool G to go for it. No chorus. No pauses. No mercy. All fire.

6. DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince, “The Magnificent Jazzy Jeff”

Legend has it that DJ Cash Money (of Cash Money & Marvelous Marv, another Philly duo) came up with the vaunted “Transformer scratch,” but accounts vary. Here Jazzy Jeff commits the technique to wax along with a cavalcade of ace turntable tricks. If there’s a better “DJ brag” track recorded during this time, I’ve never heard it.

7. Cash Money and Marvelous Marv, “Ugly People Be Quiet”

As long as we’re in Philly and talking DJ Cash Money, let’s throw this early banger in, too. Pulse-pounding tempo and texture. Produced by Hurby “Luv Bug” Azor, who also discovered and produced Salt-n-Pepa. This is also the best Tears for Fears have ever sounded.

8. 3rd Bass, “Product of the Environment (Remix)”

Don’t fuck with the original album version. You want the remix off The Cactus Revisited. They replace the original’s puny funk bassline and tappity-tap drums with this stomper and rewrite a lot of the bars, which flow better to these drums as MC Serch and Pete Nice tell their tales of white boy come-up. This is the version they did when they came on In Living Color and gave Keenen Ivory Wayans some custom airbrushed shirts. Classy!

9. Poor Righteous Teachers, “Rock Dis Funky Joint”

One of the most astonishingly original microphone performances of all time from Wise Intelligent. Over an unconventional time signature and a bombproof sample, Wise floats, flows, stalls and stutters over seemingly endless verses, keeping all his switched-up rhyme schemes velvety and seamless. Total artistry. These guys were from Trenton.

10. Stetsasonic, “Pen and Paper”

Prince Paul said in interviews he was only 17 and not legally old enough to sign contracts when he joined Stet’s top-tier production team. Like that was stopping him. He gets production credit for this one, which is the sound of a young genius spreading his wings. Also a joyous paean to the act of writing. Not long after this, Paul leaves to produce Three Feet High and Rising and quantum-shifts from apprentice to legend. (Not sure where that bassline is from, but it also shows up in Boogie Down Productions’ electrifying remix of Steady B’s “Serious.”)